Further down the taboo rabbit hole: I support open marriages. Yes, I do. Now, I don’t think they’re for everyone- not at all. In fact, it takes a special kind of couple to be able to make a relationship like that work. I’ve said before that I believe the whole marriage construct will eventually fall away, and I hope it does- it’s starting to become irrelevant in society. If people want to be together, let them. If people want to be in open relationships, or have more than two people involved in the commitment, let them. If people don’t want to be married or involved with anyone at all, leave them be. I support all of this. This article, however, is about the difficulties of open relationships, specifically the idea of being in love with two people at the same time. Can it happen? Yes. Absolutely, yes. Working it out and coming to terms with it, that’s the challenge. I truly detest when I hear people say that if someone is in love with two people simultaneously that they actually aren’t really in love with either- not true. You can be in love with two different people for entirely different reasons, and rather than those reasons contradicting one another, they can be complimentary. (Yes, they really can be.) For myself, I am not the kind of person where an open relationship works- not because of jealousy or resentment for my part, but because I have zero self control when I’m set loose. I figured this out a while ago. I thrive much better in a peaceful setting and on a solid foundation. But, that in no way means that I automatically judge anyone who chooses differently- quite the contrary. I am a huge advocate for personal freedom, especially when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. I think that’s been firmly established.

This, of course, is leading me into something further that I’m writing about now, but suffice it to say that the reasons I don’t judge anyone for having an open relationship, or here, specifically, loving two people at the same time, is that I’ve been there. I’ve experienced what that’s like. I know for a fact that you can be in love with two different people at once and not have one love diminish the other. It happens. How to work that out is another discussion entirely, but it happens. And it’s something we need to eventually accept as a society. (I’ll never see it in my lifetime- I’ll never see most of what I’ve written about on here in my lifetime, except same sex marriage and the beginnings of what will follow that.) So, for those reasons, I have no judgements.  I understand.

***To piggyback on the last post, I thought I’d mention that my husband is aware of everything I’ve written there. He knows all of it. He also knows that when I entered into our marriage, I did so with complete commitment- I wouldn’t have done so otherwise. And commitment, to me and to him, means we communicate openly about things. This is what makes him and I work, this is one of the reasons I chose him. We seem to have a traditional marriage from the outside (and do, in many respects), but inside, we can be and are very unorthodox at times. It’s what works for us. To quote Maggie Smith as the Countess Dowager in Downton Abbey: “There are many forms of a happy marriage, but all of them are built on honesty.”


~ by hln351 on March 8, 2015.

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