Sex Trafficking research

Just finished reading the first 30 pages of the UNICEF and Innocenti Research Center’s 80 page report on sex trafficking in Africa.

You know, when I asked my friends at the library where I used to work to help me research this, I knew I was getting into something that was gonna have a huge effect on me. When I read all those books about the Inquisition in the mid 2000s, I would get so angry that I’d throw books across the room, or not speak for an entire day, or go to work and throw trashed spray paint cans against the back wall. It screwed with me, really badly. I had nightmares. Even now, thinking about it is making me shake a little bit.

I got through 30 pages of this report- an objective report, by the way- and I had to stop. I took extensive notes but I couldn’t take anymore tonight. I knew getting into this was going to impact me, but sometimes I forget how much I internalize stories of horrific suffering like this. I had to stop- and I’m going to have to only read a certain amount a day so I can go about my daily life and take care of my little one- because if I fall headfirst into all these stories and pamphlets and reports, I’ll lose my goddamned mind. I’m reading about sex trafficking now, a subject I’ve never really tackled, because I had an idea to use it as a modern day parallel to what early Christianity and the Catholic Church did to Mary Magdalene’s story- turning her from Christ’s right hand woman and a leader of his nomadic group into a prostitute whom Jesus healed. I had to start in Africa with the trafficking because of how many times she’s referred to as The Black Madonna in legend. Plus, I absolutely love the idea of a modern day African woman who comes to symbolize the Divine Feminine.

All fine, right… But I gotta get through this research first. And I need to do it in a way where I can still maintain my sanity and not put holes in my walls. I have to maintain a balance. Not going to be easy. But no matter how not easy it’ll be, these women and children endured unspeakable horrors, and at the very least, I owe it to them to learn about what they suffered. And if my story is going to have any effect whatsoever, it needs to be rooted in reality.

Seriously, though, after reading those first 30 pages, the first thought I had after a million expletives was What the HELL have I gotten myself into.

I made a choice. Gonna see it through. These girls and women are my goddesses.

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~ by hln351 on March 4, 2015.

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